Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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