OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
