She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
50% drunk capacity currently
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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