I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
