May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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