The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
