My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
