hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
