i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
