haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
