Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
