He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
