I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
