That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
