dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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