I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
