he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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