My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
