Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
