I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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