I didn't shave. On purpose
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
