Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
