i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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