Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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