If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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