His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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