I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
