We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
