Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
