i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
