I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
