Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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