i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
