wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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