i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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