Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
