Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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