I hate all girls vehemently.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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