so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
