a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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