every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
