Christians are straight up FREAKS
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
