you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
