You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
