Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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