omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
