mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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