It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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