I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
