I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
