I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I take back everything I said about communal showers
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
