yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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