if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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