I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
should my penis look like a turkey
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
