Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
