Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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